That was a comment that hit me straight out of left field but boy oh boy, it certainly had the impact desired on my motivation to make changes.

This comment was thrown at me after someone who cared about me a great deal observed that I was not associating with the right kind of people. People that your parents warn you about.

The motivation to do the right thing…. was that it?

That comment has stuck with me since those days of being a teenager and it has served me very well. It’s a strange notion but it’s very difficult for us to be able to see things totally objectively when we are in the middle of it. That’s why so many combat athletes such as Boxers or Martial Artists put so much emphasis on what their corner man is shouting and providing them with motivation at them during the round. The corner man is on the outside looking in and he has a balanced view. The athlete is in the heat of battle and can only see one dimension.

This really brings me to the topic for this week, surrounding yourself with good people. I think that it was Carl  Lewis who stated, quite correctly, that you are the sum total of the five people you spend most of your time with.

We are influenced by their views, opinions and beliefs and act in accordance with them. The two biggest  influences on people’s behaviour are their values and their beliefs. Their values about whats right and wrong,  whats acceptable and whats not acceptable and their beliefs on what they are capable of doing too. I see this so much in people trying to achieve something to change their lives. Be it taking on a new role, making a personal change for health reasons, how they treat their partners, improving their financial position through learning new skills… It all comes down to their values and their beliefs.

Personal change is driven by the correct motivation….

I have also learnt that people will behave in a way that they believe other people expect them to behave. This really baffled me the first time I came to this conclusion but then I thought about it and thought about how much I had changed as a person in the eleven years I have been in London for, its difficult to go back to Somerset West, Cape Town and behave like people remember me behaving. I also have seen this idea used very effectively in negotiations – more on that in a later addition.

When we look at two groups of the groups that individuals associate most with, peers and family, you may be interested to know that peer group plays a much stronger role in an individuals behaviour than the family does. I read this recently in Malcolm Gladwells fantastic book The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference where he talks about the contrasts in children’s behaviour between good, supportive families in troubled neighbourhoods and troubled families in good neighbourhoods. It was his opinion that the children from the good neighbourhoods but from troubled families, stood a better chance of keeping out of trouble.

In order to keep teens out of trouble, we need to really understand their TRUE motivation…

Now I know that there are some fantastic parents and “parents to be” who are reading this and perhaps getting a bit  concerned that it’s not just about giving the children a good family base but also its very much about the people who their  children associate with which will dictate how the children grow up. Peer pressure is so much more powerful than family  pressure.

The end result of this blog today is really just to emphasis how important good people are to have around you. They can make all the difference in the way you live your life, what you aspire to, your financial situation, what you do as a past time and so much more.

The question is, “How do we go about finding good people to surround ourselves with?” My short answer to that is that I honestly believe that you need to be the kind of person that you would want to be friends with. From there you will benefit from “Karma”, “the Law of Attraction”, “what goes around comes around”, “do unto others as you would have done unto you” or whatever you want to refer to it as – what you put out there, it will come back to you… Sometimes even in multiples

Have a fantastic week folks…. and PHire it up!!

Cheers

Paul Harrison

P.S. If you have any comments on the motivation for change, please leave a comment.