So our young hero, Luap is making his way across the rugby pitch to the start line of the dreaded “Cross Country”. The lads are hollering and carrying on with all the excitement that “Yrrah” was going to at last join them on the complete waste of time for everyone except the “Whippet’s” of the pack.
Luap looked around and noticed a few other “Heavy Treaders” that he kind of fancied his chances against. If nothing else, perhaps he wouldn’t be the last person who would cross the line. There were still the other fans of TV’s and chips and also the sick weedy boys who had forgotten about their sick note from matron… He felt just a little more self-secure.
Then it happened!! There was a shout out from one of the boys who certainly had a bit of a sense of humour!
“Hey guys, the camera-man’s here…!”
Luap looked up and saw the infamous “Camera man” who was catching “Happy memories” of the boys final year of school. This bloke had popped up in the worst kind of places, School Disco’s, Athletics day, Student Voting Day, Rugby games where Luaps team were beaten (and beaten badly) and now he was roaming over the muddy pitch, video camera in hand, trying desperately not to get his cheap,
“pleather” (plastic / leather compound) loafers too dirty…
Luaps heart sank. “Oh great!” he thought. “Not only will I have to endure this days humiliation but I will then have to purchase a video of it to remind me of how terrible it was…!”
All of a sudden a group of guys, lead by the “surfer dude” and 3rd team fullback standout, “Growler” Jonrock (not real name). “Hey Yrrah, this is what we are going to do – as this is your first Cross Country in 4 years, we are going to hold back the rest of the group and we want you to sprint out in front and be the first guy to the corner flag. It would be great to get that on video and a great laugh!”
“Ya bru, go for it” said “Play boy” Wessels (not real name!), it will be really funny to see you out front! Go for it!”
With much jeering and “go on Yrrah”, Luap reluctantly accepted the challenge - much to the huge celebrations of all and sundry who evidently wanted to see the pride of the front row leading 700 boys into the first turn of the race”.
“Playboy” Wessels marched up to the camera man and announced “Okay Sir, now listen here! Our buddy Yrrah, that big guy in the blue track suit top and the ill-fitting PT pants, he has never run the Cross Country before and quite frankly, he is a bit of a joker! We have arranged for him to be the first oke out of the blocks and hopefully (God willing and if he makes it) leads us into the first turn. So best you make sure you do some “shap shap” work with that camera of yours and capture the big guy is action – understood?”
The lisping , loafer wearing camera man was a bit taken back by ”Playboys” directness but nodded in agreement – more through being on the back-foot than actually thinking it was a good idea. After all, he was a professional and felt everyone should take the video making as seriously as him. None of this “let the fatties run out front” malarkey!
So it was set. A sea of blue and white gathered along the start line. Numerous people pushing, jostling and others making bets on who would win (there were some people who took the Cross Country seriously, you see)
Luap was positioned at the front. Front and centre flanked by the Playboy, Growler and a few others telling everyone else to keep back at the start as “Yrrah needs to lead the pack for at least the first 50 yards!”
Luap, put his foot to the line just as he had seen prize fighters of yesteryear do at the movies. He leaned forward and prepared himself mentally for the painful challenge that lay ahead. He tried to compose himself, desperately trying to look like he knew what he was doing which, to all present it was very evident that he clearly knew nothing of the sort.
“Shuddup yous bliksems!!!” came the bellow from the starter, a teacher by the name of Van Rensburg who was affectionately known as ”The Viper” as he constantly stuck his tongue out when he was talking – like a viper! Rumour had it that he had also run for SA at the olympics many moons ago and could be recalled from time to time reminiscing about his days of rugby where apparently their coach was always saying “Get the ball to Van Rensburg! Cus he is so blerrie fast!”
“Shuddup yous bliksems….!” came the roar again which only slightly dampened the excitment of 700 plus likely lads.
They were under starters orders. Playboy and Growler were pushing back the younger, more eager boys and making threats of severe violence toward anyone who ran past Luap in the first 50 yards. Luaps heart was beating like drum. The adrenaline was flowing and his breathing was deep…
He knew, if nothing else, he HAD to be first into that corner. He looked up and the camera man was aiming straight at him. Trying to hide his nerves and impending embarrassment, he gave a cocky wink to the camera…
“Stay behind the line you blerrie bliksems!” came the starters less than politically correct instructions!
“On your marks”
“Get set….!”
“Viper” raises his hand with the cap gun cocked – pointing it towards a particularly white anemic looking English boy who he severely hated. Closed one eye….
“GO!”
“BANG!!” The cap gun exploded and the race was on!!Luap felt that huge explosion of adrenaline. The big fella felt the tightness of his muscles as the surge of power seered though his body. He took off like only a 120kg prop forward could do. Not dissimilar from a rhino charging an american motor vehicle in the Kruger park…..
To be continued….. in tomorrow’s addition, “50 meter’s to greatness!”
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